Details
by Just Silver
Summary: Lucius can drown himself in the details, but will that really make anything better? Part 4 of Villains Arc. TRLM slash


A/n: Another "Villains" ficlet. This one is from Lucius' point of view, at last. "Ashes" has been reworked, so if you have an interest in that fic, I suggest you check out the newest version.

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_D__etails, Saints of Villainy, Part 4 of 7 _

Lucius could lose himself in the details- the delicate hands that caressed his skin, the smooth lips against his and the instant his entire being dissolved into particles of light. Yes, he could drown himself in lovers, try to understand his own charms, try to fill the void, but in the end it didn't work. It never had. But at least Tom had been there. Now he came home and his apartment was deathly silent and when the realization that he was alone hit again, all the light in Lucius was extinguished and he suddenly wanted to die.

So Lucius was in love with himself... Bullshit. Lucius had never really given a damn about himself until his mother remarried. What a nice man his stepfather had been. He had loved Lucius in ways that were illegal and Lucius to this day didn't know why the man had found him so attractive. He tried to find an answer in his many mirrors and the blondes Tom claimed he favored. The answer eluded him and he only felt inexplicably hollow inside.

Tom would heal him when weeks of indiscriminate whoring had left Lucius wandering the streets like a shell-shocked child. When he was so miserable he couldn't breathe, Lucius would crawl beside Tom, who would be cold and resentful at first, but then Tom would fall into his old routine of loving and worshipping and taking Lucius and the fragments of Lucius's soul would be knitted together perfectly. Lucius needed Tom, the deadly serious and passionate young man who adored Lucius for reasons Lucius couldn't begin to understand.

Sometimes in his haste to get at the golden core that made his lover precious, Lucius would hurt Tom and he was in danger of tearing him apart. He had to go away, clear his head, and take the edge off this mad, blind desire. Tom didn't understand, would never understand. Maybe he couldn't understand because he knew. He knew what this personal darkness was like. He was lost in it himself. The blind leading the blind. That's all this was. Two creatures that had never known love trying to love each other. It would be comical if it didn't hurt so damn much.

_They had met at a lecture at the Macbeth Institute for Further Studies in Witchcraft. The guest speaker was Alexandra Malfoy- his mother. Lucius was there under duress. He didn't need a lecture on the dangers and possibilities of the Dark Arts. He knew them all and he didn't want to be in a room full of stodgy old wizards who didn't._

_But the room wasn't entirely filled with stodgy old wizards. A young man sat in the front row, taking notes with a relish. His eyes shone eagerly and he couldn't contain his questions. Alexandra was pleased. However this young man with startling green eyes had one question Alexandra couldn't answer: "The area of theoserums- immortality potions- is largely unexplored. Yet study of such potions is not specified as illegal. Why is that?"_

_"Theoserums are unstable. No one has been able to concoct a theoserum fit for human consumption. At best, the drinker is immortal for two weeks before the volatile mix causes combustion. At worst, the drinker's insides are liquefied on contact. There is actually a law against creating a working theoserum, but since no one has created one, the law has never been violated," Lucius drawled, before his mother's silence could give her ignorance away. The young man's eyes flickered over Lucius as his quill scratched rapidly across his paper._

_After the lecture, the young man introduced himself. "Tom Riddle. I enjoyed your lecture immensely." Lucius's mother smiled as she took Tom's hand, her rings catching the light._

_"Thank you, Mr. Riddle. I admire young men with your intellectual curiosity." Her eyes flashed accusingly at Lucius, who stood and smiled._

_"Yes, the Macbeth institute doesn't get many students under the age of 50. What brings you here?"_

_"I want to be the best," Tom answered. Alexandra practically purred with delight._

_"The best at what?" Lucius asked._

_"Everything."_

_Tom secured a dinner invitation to Malfoy Manor and Lucius was given strict instructions. "Don't you dare ruin this with one of your smart comments and don't you dare turn this into another one of your love affairs. I am sick of covering them up. Do you think I want the entire country to know that my son is a whore?"_

_"Yes, Mother," Lucius replied mildly. Luckily, his mother was too busy to notice what he was saying "yes" to._

_Lucius was silent at dinner- an embarrassment in Muggle clothes that sullenly picked at his dinner while his stepfather leered at him from across the table. Tom attempted to draw him into conversation. "What else do you know about theoserums?"_

_"Why are you so interested in theoserums?" Lucius asked._

_"I want to make one for my thesis," Tom replied. Lucius snorted._

_"Do you have a death wish, Mr. Riddle?"_

_"On the contrary. I have a wish for life, Mr. Malfoy."_

_"Lucius," the blonde corrected._

_"Tom, " replied the dark-haired man._

_"Doesn't matter what you're called. You're still insane."_

_"Lucius!" his mother hissed. Tom smiled._

_"I prefer genius."_

_"And I prefer solitude. If you'll excuse me, Mother."_

Well, Lucius had solitude now. It made him sick. It made him sick to see the closet empty and to feel the sheets like ice against his skin. And he cried when he considered the possibility that Tom had found another lover and was somewhere out there, being perfectly happy without Lucius. With jealousy gnawing on the syrupy sweet tissue of his brain he imagined what Tom's new lover would look like. Male, probably. Blond? No. Tom hated blondes. He only liked Lucius's hair because it was too pale to even be called blonde. But Tom had loved the hair of the girl at the bistro on the corner. Marie, her name was. And her hair was a golden honey color. Tom's lover would probably have hair that color and warm brown eyes and smooth skin that would be perfectly lovely beneath Tom's fingers and hungering lips and teeth and - Lucius wailed and it was a terrible sound. It was anguish turned into waves and set loose upon the air and it echoed throughout his apartment. Tom couldn't be happy without him. Tom didn't know how to be happy. And Tom would come back. All Lucius had to do was wait.

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Eventually there will be at least 3 more of these. Most of them are already started. The hard part is finishing them up adequately. Meanwhile, review if you like. Heck, review if you don't like, just tell me why. 

Love,

J. Silver


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